How to Talk to Your Child About Drugs and Alcohol

Talking to our children about drugs and alcohol can seem daunting so many of us put it off or avoid it completely. We worry about when and how to talk to them because it can feel awkward, scary, or even unnecessary. However, we know from research that children who have open, honest conversations with their parents are less likely to engage in risky substance use. While schools discuss drugs and alcohol as part of PSHE, parents remain an influential source of information and values. 

If you can instigate an open dialogue with your child, it can help them to understand risks and legal realities of substances, feel comfortable asking questions, develop the confidence to make positive choices and most importantly come to you if something goes wrong. Our Unity service is here to support you with honest information on the risks of different substances and support for your child or yourself if you need it. 

You don’t need to be an expert (we can help there) you just need to be approachable and honest. Start the dialogue early and keep it going, you don’t need to wait until your child is a teenager. At primary age keep it simple and safety-focused, for example that medicines are only safe when given by a trusted adult. When curiosity increases in the teenage years you can discuss peer pressure and how to handle it, what alcohol and drugs do to the brain and body and about UK laws. As they get older focus on harm reduction and real-life situations such as how to stay safe at parties and look after your friends. 

Make it a conversation, not a lecture, young people switch off quickly if they feel judged. Try to ask open questions, listen without interrupting, avoid scare tactics and stay calm, even if you’re shocked. If they think you’ll overreact, they might not come to you next time. Be honest about your own choices around drugs and alcohol, you don’t need to share every detail of your teenage years and certainly be careful not to glamourise, but honesty builds trust. It’s important that we model the behaviour we want to see, children notice how adults use alcohol and cannabis at home. 

Set clear expectations, children feel safer when boundaries are clear, it’s okay to be explicit about your family rules on alcohol and drugs and what will happen if those rules are broken. Having said that it’s important that they know safety comes first and they can call you for help without fear of immediate punishment (not the same as lack of consequences). A “no questions asked” lift home rule can encourage safe decisions if things go wrong on a night out. 

It’s good to be aware of possible warning signs of substance use. Changes that don’t always mean substance use but are important to watch for are sudden mood swings, secretive behaviour, new friendship groups with no explanation. Coming home smelling of alcohol or smoke, new problems at school. If changes make you concerned, stay calm and start a conversion. 

If your child has already tried something don’t panic, thank them for being honest (if they have been). Focus on how much you love them, their safety and what they learned. It might be good to discuss how they’ll handle similar situations next time. If you’re worried about ongoing use, support them to seek support. 

A one-off chat probably isn’t enough, hopefully you’ll be able to create an environment where questions are welcome, mistakes can be discussed safely and your child knows you’re on their side. Regular, possibly shorter low-pressure conversations maybe while driving or walking are often good. 

Remember your relationship is the strongest protective factor your child has so try to preserve it as much as it depends on you, for the majority of young people “this too shall pass”.  

For more information on specific substances, Unity has information pages on Ketamine, Alcohol, Cocaine, Cannabis and MDMA. These webpages provide practical guidance on risks, effects, and harm reduction strategies. The safest way to avoid risks is not using substances, but knowledge helps your child make safer choices. 

Support for Parents 

If your child is misusing substances, The Matthew Project runs a parents group once a month, offering a safe space to connect with others in similar situations. To join, email: unity@matthewproject.org